Fitness, Uncategorized

My Mental Illness has been Running my Life

My mental illness has been running my life…. and it’s not doing a very good job.  The depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms have been pretty crippling this month despite medicine and therapy.   I know it’s my body’s response to stress. I also know that I have simply given in to it.

I think that’s the biggest hint that others don’t understand.   It truly is a daily struggle to either fight the demons or give in to them.  Yes, medicine and therapy play their part.  They damper the biggest symptoms and allow me to get out of bed.   Therapy let’s me explore why I am the way I am and gives me coping mechanisms.

However, I have to choose to follow the steps. Choose to put one foot in front of the other and fight for myself.  That has not been the case this month and to be truthful probably a couple months.   I can tell by my lack of wanting to write.  How can I inspire others when I am suffering myself? How can I proclaim the awesomeness of a clean diet when  I eat a whole bag of jelly beans in one setting?  How can I lead others to workout when more often than not I haven’t pushed play… quitting before starting.

My life and my weight loss has been pretty stagnant. I’ve done just enough to get through but not enough to make progress.

I still believe in the Beachbody programs, if you work the programs.  I still believe I can meet my goal, but I have to choose. Each day, each hour, each minute, to be fit. To lead the life I know I am destined to by choosing to do so.

So I chose to tell you all my downfall. And now I am choosing to tell you I will fit, I will overcome, I will be Fit!

 

2 thoughts on “My Mental Illness has been Running my Life

  1. Your honesty with your illness empowers me Ellie. Thank you for sharing so publicly, I would love to sit down with you on a more personal level if you’re open to it.

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